MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 5 DAYS
there’s something about sadness inside of me that feels as if the air is suffocating me. the pressure is intense. it feels like i’m in a prison everywhere i walk. a vice of bad thoughts. i guess that’s why happiness feels so free and warm. peace is so far out. it feels like it extends to all corners of the earth. i’m so spread out. i can go so far. i can go to extensive heights. with fear and worry and sadness, with all the bad parts, i can reach extensive depths. it scares me how willing i am to go deep, how easy it is to sink but to climb? to be able to get up there and look down? i tremble. there are days where it’s so believable. it’s so me. that’s my home up there. that’s where i belong. it’s so real. it’s so realistic. it’s so familiar. i’m related to it. i miss those heights. i’m tired of being deep. i’m tired of being buried and hidden and scared and dark. i wanna go up. i wanna feel. i wanna grab it in my hands and taste it. i want to be so disgusted by the depths of me that they are old news. traveled lands that aren’t worth traveling again.