June 2013
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 5 DAYS
“A lot of things in life might be complicated but love isn’t one of them. If someone wants to be with you, there is no denying it. Love is simple and beautiful and fulfilling and that is why everyone wants it and that is why it lasts forever. If what you have is complicated and confusing then it may be something but it’s definitely not love. Point blank, end of story & I don’t want to hear your excuses for why it hasn’t worked out yet. Stop making excuses for that person who isn’t calling or showing up at your front door. Love isn’t something that calls on Friday night when there’s nothing else better to do. Love chases after you with a burning heart & consumes every last part of you. You are either dedicated to another human being or you are not. Relationships are either black or they are white. Don’t settle and don’t you dare linger in a grey area waiting for things to change. [Because they won’t] And you’ll be missing out on all the color of this world”
—Janie
there’s something about sadness inside of me that feels as if the air is suffocating me. the pressure is intense. it feels like i’m in a prison everywhere i walk. a vice of bad thoughts. i guess that’s why happiness feels so free and warm. peace is so far out. it feels like it extends to all corners of the earth. i’m so spread out. i can go so far. i can go to extensive heights. with fear and worry and sadness, with all the bad parts, i can reach extensive depths. it scares me how willing i am to go deep, how easy it is to sink but to climb? to be able to get up there and look down? i tremble. there are days where it’s so believable. it’s so me. that’s my home up there. that’s where i belong. it’s so real. it’s so realistic. it’s so familiar. i’m related to it. i miss those heights. i’m tired of being deep. i’m tired of being buried and hidden and scared and dark. i wanna go up. i wanna feel. i wanna grab it in my hands and taste it. i want to be so disgusted by the depths of me that they are old news. traveled lands that aren’t worth traveling again.
